And... We're back!

It's been a while since I've blogged, but I've got good reasons. On October 16th at 11:25pm, Jackson entered the world. I'd been in pain for about 48 hours, but after going to the hospital on Friday night and being told it was a false alarm I held out when the pain worsened on Saturday. My husband finally had enough and told me to call the doctor. The contractions were about 15 minutes apart at that time. I wanted to wait longer, but my husband had the good sense to insist that I make the call. We left the house shortly thereafter and on the way to the hospital the contractions got MUCH closer together. By the time we arrived at the hospital it seems like they were a lot closer to five minutes apart.

The nurses were all very calm when we arrived. They were prepared for another false alarm. They took me to triage where they started monitoring contractions and they took my measurements. The nurse suddenly became a whole lot less calm when she announced we were 8-9cm. After all those months of waiting, we were kind of surprised to be in the home stretch all of a sudden. I sent my husband to call everyone and then we headed up to labor and delivery. The nurses flooded the room to get everything ready. The person who inserted my IV used the largest needle I have ever seen in my life and could not get it in the original vein she tried. She tried again in another spot and thought she got the needle in. (Unfortunately, she did not, but we didn't find that out until the next day when my hand swelled up and it looked like a golf ball had been inserted underneath my skin.)

The nurses started calmly leaving the room to my confusion. The nurse who seemed to be in charge of my delivery started to walk out and said to call her when it was time to push. I let her know that the time to push was NOW. That sent everyone into a frenzy again and suddenly the doctor was there and saying I should push.

Do you remember that moment in Knocked Up where Alison decides she wants an epidural, but it's too late? I had that moment. It feels like you are on the tip top portion of a roller coaster awaiting the plunge and you suddenly don't want to be on the ride anymore. When we arrived at the hospital it was already too late to give me anything other than an epidural since we were so far along. They had to wait to get my labs back to give me an epidural, but they said they would give me the option at that point. Unfortunately, Jack was not waiting for anyone or anything so he just barreled right along. The cord was around his neck, but the doctor acted like that was normal. He calmly cut the cord, directed me to push again, and after a few pushes he was out.

My husband was like part of the crew with the nurses and doctor. He held my legs back with them and when I wasn't putting my chin to my chest as instructed he moved my head chestward. He was perfect. He watched the entire process and asked me if I wanted to see things as they happened. (The answer is no. I really don't.)

Jack was 8lbs and 11oz. He was 20 and 5/8 inches long. He was born hungry and within a few minutes of being born latched on to me and fed for about 40 minutes. He's got all of his fingers and toes and is everything that we had hoped for.

I feel like I haven't had the time or energy to blog until now, but I feel much better and I am getting used to my sleep pattern being significantly different. In a few weeks, I hope to be able to leave the house on a regular basis, but for now I am alright with being home all the time.

A letter to my STILL unborn son.

Dear Jack,
   It's your due date. There's no pressure or anything, but Mommy is a fan of being punctual. Also, I made cookies.We've been joined, literally, for 40 weeks now. In the scheme of our lives, this is not long. You won't remember the womb, which is probably a good thing. It's dark in there. You won't remember your birth or the first couple of years you are alive, but I will.

   Your father and I are probably going to take entirely too many pictures of you doing things that will seem mundane later in life, but they're miraculous to us now. We'll have pictures of you covered in your first foods and your first birthday cake, which will totally freak me out, but I'll play along for a few moments before spastically wiping you off. We'll look at and analyze your first and subsequent poos like some ancient tea leaf readers. Your grandmothers, and you've got a lot of them, will ooh, ahh, and coo at your every move.

   You have a brother and sister who are waiting as patiently as a nine and seven year old can. They are thrilled that we've named you Jack. Annie is worried that you'll beat her up later, but you won't. Max is afraid that you'll be annoying. You will be, but it won't be your fault. Little brothers are always in awe of their big brothers, especially because Max is nine and a half years older than you.

   You're going to love it here. We have really amazing food. We live in Florida, but there is a whole world out there that you'll get to explore if you want to. We have animals of all colors, shapes, and sizes that you'll get to see and study. Starting at home there are three cats. They aren't really sure why I've gotten so fat and I can't walk properly. They are mostly upset about my complete lack of lap, but I know they will find you interesting. You guys will have a lot in common. Mostly, they sleep all day and they depend on me to feed them and clean up their poop. I'll be bathing you more and you'll get to sleep in my room for a while. Also, you'll be going with us wherever we go, and they just chill out at home like lazy security guards.

   I hope that this letter in some way inspires you to hit the eject button, but if you don't we're going to do some strong convincing on Monday at 6:30am. Please come sooner. Daddy is not exactly what I would consider a morning person and neither is my mother, who you'll call Mimi. Since they are my support team during your blessed entry, I'd like you to arrive when they have some pep in their step. (I won't lie. You know how I said we had amazing food here? We totally do. If you do come in the morning time, I'm sending Daddy or Mimi to get me breakfast and they are more likely to go get me exactly what I want if you come a tad later in the morning.)

 I can't wait to meet you.
Love,
Your mother.

Where is Sarah Jessica Parker when I need her?

Jack is not coming out. He's very comfortable. I, on the other hand, am very uncomfortable. What we have here, folks, is a failure to launch.

I know Jack isn't due until October 13th. I understand that he'll come when he's ready. I just don't know how much more of this I can take. To a certain extent, it's not even the pregnancy that is driving me crazy. It's the being home alone with very little to do. I'm not really a good housewife candidate.

Here is what a typical day is like for me:

• Wake up when my husband's alarm goes off.
• Ignore his "go back to sleep" command.
• Stay in bed and watch him iron his clothes and head out for work.
• Attempt to go back to sleep.
• Exit the bedroom, still in jammies, and greet cats.
• Make a cup of tea and allow it to steep.
• Check email. facebook, and RSS feed while watching my neighbors with a life walk their dogs, go for jogs, and leave for work.
• Realize that an hour has passed and I forgot my tea. Start the tea process again.
• Take phone calls and texts from my mother and friends where the answer is essentially "NO, I have not have the baby yet."
• Remember the tea. (Awesome. Earl Gray, I love you.)
• Pace around the house, talk to the cats, and struggle to think of things to do.
• Do laundry. We always have at least one load since we have a tiny washer.
• Consider making a baked good despite the fact that I probably won't eat it and my husband probably can't eat it.
• Take another round of phone calls in which the answer is still "No, I haven't had the baby yet."
• Attempt to take nap and fail.
• Fold the laundry.
• Wait for my husband to get home and sometime watch Dancing with the Stars.

I'm not a whiner, but I can't wait until Jack gets here. I know that the next couple of months will be hard and that I'll basically be begging God to let me sleep just a little, but at least I'll have a focus.

Thoughts on Eddie Long.

I'll be honest. I'm no fan of Baptist doctrine and I am especially not a fan of mega churches, but I do find the allegations against Eddie Long very sad. Bishop Long has been accused of coercing young men from his church to have various types of sex with him and using his power and money from the church to entice them further and keep them quiet.

He states that the allegations are untrue and that he will fight against them. He really has no choice though. A mega church is a business. Bishop Long is the head of the business and he can't allow anything to get in the way of what his business does. Whether you believe that is making money or saving souls, it doesn't matter. If Bishop Long is innocent and steps down (that way that Roland Martin suggests in his piece on CNN) he appears guilty and weak. If he stays and fights the allegations from the pulpit, he gives his followers some hope. They don't believe that he would stand in front of them and lie about something, fully knowing that the proof would never be able to set him free. One of the men accusing Bishop Long claims to have photographic evidence that should clear this all up.

I think the truth of the matter will be discovered in a relatively short while. If there are photos of the Bishop and his boys in the act then I really don't know why he'd bother to showboat, unless he felt that he could financially satisfy the accuser. If you'll notice, there are no criminal charges being filed. I don't find it very strange to be honest. I think that you'd be hard pressed to find the physical evidence or evidence of any kind that these men were forced to engage with the Bishop.

The fourth lawsuit is very interesting to me. The supposed victim was allegedly showered with gifts like a car and tuition. If that was the case there should be a paper trail of some kind (unless he paid for the car and tuition with cash, of course.) Surely, someone would have noticed the time that the Bishop spent alone in hotel rooms with his young male followers.

It is my experience, from situations I have witnessed within churches where a scandal erupts, that when we have a situation like this that people within the church know. Not the parishioners, but typically the leader in question will have a power circle. This circle excludes his wife. She's given other duties typically in the women's ministry. The power circle is an incredibly small group that believe so strongly in the leader that they unquestioningly follow every order. These are the people that the lawyers need to get to. It won't matter really, even if they do find them the members of this small group will lie on the behalf of the leader because being part of this group gives them a significant amount of implied power. I'd look for one or two couples that are always around, not necessarily high ranking members of the church.

I think the biggest outrage that some people feel is that Bishop Long has long been an outspoken anti-gay leader. He preaches and campaigns that marriage is between a man and a woman and that if you are gay his ministry can cure you. (It is my opinion that by "cure" they mean to humiliate and use fear tactics to shame you into behaving "appropriately".) What does it say about Bishop Long if he's been preaching so strongly about this topic, only to be "struggling" with it himself?

I do not want to hear that it means he is human and we need to forgive him. (Frankly, it's not any of my business to forgive him. He's not harmed me in any way.) I also am not sure that I agree with the fourth suit that claims the church had an obligation to warn these guys. I suspect that even if they allegations are true, that "The Church" had no idea what was going on. "The Church" believes very strongly in mentoring and training up young men to be leaders and I believe that is what people thought was happening. I do not believe the attendees of Baptist churches or Mega Churches are bad people. I think they believe very strongly in the doctrine of the church and that the Mega Church provides a strong sense of community and belonging. The Mega Church is so large that sometimes things that could never fly in a small church, can be easily brushed aside or looked over in this larger environment. I think that the lawyers are targeting "The Church" because what they really want is "The Church's Money."


I also wonder why it took the fourth victim so many years to become disillusioned with the Bishop's message. (I'm not blaming the victim. I just wonder about these things.) If the Bishop's message in the pulpit is "Homosexuality is bad" and his message in the hotel room is "Homosexuality is rad" you'd think it would have brought up some questions a little sooner.


The best way to sum up my feelings on the matter are to say that it would be refreshing to see the Bishop cleared beyond a shadow of a doubt. I don't agree with his message, but I dislike people who use false claims to damage other people even more. I hope that this causes his followers to take a good hard look at what they believe and ask themselves important questions. I hope that if the Bishop is found to have been participating in homosexual acts, that he stops faking his hetero lifestyle or at least finds a way to come to terms with it. I feel terrible for the hard time his family is going through either way and I hope that a resolution of some kind can be reached soon.

At least they're honest.

I saw this last week and I figured they would change it, but today I was stuck in traffic so I could get a picture for you guys. It totally cracked me up.

 

Welcome to the weekend.

The weekend is finally here. It's been a very long week. I was training a new person at work and I haven't felt particularly well and neither of those things created a good week.

I dislike training people. I'm not particularly good at it since I would much rather be doing the work myself. I recognize the necessity at this point since I'll be leaving on maternity leave shortly. This particular person just isn't computer literate, so it adds an extra level of difficulty. He's trying hard, but I want to literally throw him aside and do it myself. I generally try to give all trainees to other employees, but he only wants to work with me.

I think the long hours are finally getting to me. By the time I get home I am in misery. I want to rip out my own spine. It's a strange feeling to feel so angry at a part of my own body. I am not upset with Jack, obviously. I just don't understand why this hurts so badly.


This weekend we are going to a birthday party, buying my daughter some shorts, and hanging out with the kids. I'll update you soon!

I love this song.

Earthbound by Rodney Crowell





I am really not sure why this song appeals to me so much, but I like it. It just feels so pleasant. It's a song about reasons that we might want to stick around and not die too soon. I think there are so many songs about how horrible peoples lives are and how great the afterlife is going to be, but not many songs that talk about enjoying what we have while we're here which is the entire point of living.